


Little Worlds

by sbdrag



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 17:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7902052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbdrag/pseuds/sbdrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief investigation of the relationship between Jaeger pilots Julian Bashir and Elim Garak - how it might have started.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Worlds

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Local Medical Abomination Mind-bonded to A Drunk, Scaly Wallflower; They Fight Sea Monsters, News@11](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7887760) by [bmouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bmouse/pseuds/bmouse). 



> Was very inspired while reading bmouse's "Local Medical Abomination Mind-bonded to A Drunk, Scaly Wallflower; They Fight Sea Monsters, News@11". Which, if you haven't read, this might not actually make sense? So I highly recommend reading it first - even if you don't read this one, because that one is lovely.

He was shaking. It started in his hands, moving up his arms and shoulders, down into his chest and stomach where it turned into tremors. From there his legs trembled, and it was getting increasingly difficult to walk straight.

 

He clenched his hands, stilling the shaking. He tried to force the stillness into the rest of his body - clenching his muscles tight. Outwardly, it worked. The shaking stilled, but it was replaced by the feeling of constraint. It felt like a fist was tightening around his heart; his throat was dry, blocked by something covering his esophagus. He breathed in through his nose - it sounded like a tea kettle, whistling in his ears with the force of hurricane winds.

 

_I almost died._

 

The thought raced through his head like some kind of dogma - a macabre mantra. The tightening, the constriction continued. A boa constrictor wrapping around him and squeezing out the life left by his frayed nerves.

 

_I almost died. I almost died. I almost-_

 

“If I might make an observation, Doctor?”

 

Julian swallowed, trying to get his mouth to work the right way. His voice came out so hoarse he hardly recognized it. “Yes?”

 

“You were not this nervous during our engagement with the Kaiju - in fact, I applaud the way you were able to analyze the situation in such a calculated manner.”

 

Julian laughed - not on purpose, no. The sound escaped him quite of its own accord, loud and harsh. _Yes, my great calm. Stiff upper lip, and all that._ The truth was that there hadn't been _time_ to be afraid in the battle. And his partner - unconventional as he was - had certainly helped the situation.

 

The Cardassian regarded him with a shrewdly arched eye ridge. “Is something amusing?”

 

Julian shook his head, trying to clear it. He was struggling to breath now, and looked for an escape from the hallway they were walking down. _Classic signs of a panic attack - good show, Julian._ “No. Yes.”

 

Garak seemed oblivious to his discomfort - but how could he be? Was there some kind of Cardassian trick that let him close off Julian's thoughts and feelings as securely as he shut the human out of his? “Well, which is it?”

 

“Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a-” _Soldier? Pilot? Monster hunter?_ He wasn’t even sure what he was at this point, but it wasn't the uncertainty that stopped him from replying - no, it was the way his throat closed up entirely at that point.

 

Garak's touch on his arm was surprisingly gentle. He found himself led into a small side hallway, one he hadn't noticed. The Cardassian backed him against the wall.

 

The cool metal against his back felt wonderful - he hadn't even noticed the way he had started to overheat. He'd sweat so much that his hair stuck to his forehead, and he pressed back into the wall to soak up the cold.

 

Garak framed the human's body, shielding him from the rest of Dome-Seabase 9. He didn't press against him, staying just shy of doing so. He rested his elbows on the wall, on either side of the young man's shoulders. _His very thin, frail species. Even for a human, he looks… delicate._ “Focus on me, doctor.”

 

The soft voice drew his attention. Julian found himself caught by the blue eyes - and  surprisingly, they grounded him. He felt centered on the man in front of him, his anxiety seeping away as he stood in breathed. It was like everything else dropped away  and the entire world was in the space between him and the Cardassian.

 

Garak smiled benignly. “Ah, there we - yes, just breath…”

 

“Do you…” _Do you have experience with this?_ He wanted to ask, but breathing was still difficult.

 

“Shh, not yet. Focus on breathing, doctor.”

 

Julian swallowed, and nodded. He worked on breathing - in through the nose, out through the mouth… slowly, his heart rate dropped.

 

Hesitantly, Garak reached out and ran his hands down his partner's sides. Getting no resistance, he repeated the motion.

 

Julian sighed softly - the hands stroking over his ribs felt wonderful. His breathing deepened, and his muscles unclenched. The shaking he'd felt before didn't return. He liked his lips, and tried speaking. “Do you have much experience with… with panic attacks?”

 

Garak opened his mouth, then seemed to change his mind. “In a manner of speaking. Feeling better?”

 

Julian nodded.

 

Abruptly, the Cardassian stepped away, creating a gap between them. He smiled and held a hand out to the main hallway. “Well then, we still have a debriefing to get to. After you, doctor.”

 

Julian opened his mouth, honestly confused by the sudden change - then closed it again. If he couldn't even get inside the man's head when he was _literally_ inside the man's head, he supposed it would be rather pointless to try and do so now. Instead he smiled thinly and took the lead. Captain Sisko hadn't struck him as a patient man, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

“You've had one, haven't you?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Julian regarded Garak over his lunch tray. “A panic attack. You've had one.”

 

The Cardassian smiled across at him. “Really, doctor, do I strike you as the kind of person susceptible to such a thing?”

 

“Yes.” He liked the way Garak still called him doctor. No one else did - no one else _would_. But Garak did - and that counted for something. “Anyone can have a panic attack, Garak.”

 

His lunch companion kept smiling at him. “And why this sudden interest, doctor?”

 

It wasn't sudden, not really. They'd been on a few missions since that first one, and he hadn't had another attack - but he was always reminded of the first time. Of the way the Cardassian had so kindly helped him. “I've been trying to figure out why you were so… capable, when you helped me before. You said you had experience with panic attacks - in a manner of speaking.”

 

“As a doctor, you also have experience with panic attacks - in a manner of speaking.”

 

Julian smiled. “I suppose that's true. But it's not just how capable you were - it's… how willing you were to help.”

 

“Doctor.” Garak tilted his head down to regard the human through his lashes. “In case you have forgotten, I am the only Cardassian here - and _you_ are the only human I'm drift compatible with. Consider my help… an investment.”

 

Julian leaned back, crossing his arms. “An investment?”

 

“Exactly. I need you to be mentally stable in order to secure my own position here. It was nothing personal.”

 

The doctor watched him carefully - skeptically. There was some merit in what had been said - it was all true, and yet… when he remembered how gently those hands had stroked down his sides, he couldn't see it as ‘nothing personal’. “If you say so, Garak.”

 

The Cardassian wondered of there was something he had missed. The doctor’s expression certainly didn't seem to project belief - though he hoped it wasn't enough doubt that the young man would pursue the issue further. As good as his mental training with the Order had been, even he knew he couldn't actively block out the doctor forever. “I do. Are you… going to finish your Idanian spiced pudding?”

 

* * *

 

Julian stared without seeing. The world seemed blurry and indistinct - his mind was replaying the memories he'd finally - _finally_ \- been allowed to see. And _allowed_ was the operative term, he knew.

 

He could hear Garak breathing next to him - panting, as they both waited to be released from their connection to the Jaeger. He didn't look. He couldn't - not yet. He didn't know what his face would do - and he knew that was important. It was important, how he was going to look at Garak.

 

There was a short burst of laughter next to him. The spines attaching them to their Jaeger released. “No, my dear, there's no need to think so hard about that.”

 

Julian looked at the Cardassian then. His face was entirely expressionless - but there was soft intensity in his brown eyes.

 

Garak looked… smaller, somehow. Less polished, more… broken. He met the doctor’s gaze, and all that was in his eyes was exhaustion. “You weren't meant to see that.”

 

Julian could feel the waves of that exhaustion through their sympathetic link. “I know. I…”

 

 _You what, Julian? You ‘feel bad’? You're sorry?_ God, it all felt so inadequate. So terribly inadequate. _What do I say?_

 

Garak reached out, hesitated, then placed a hand on the human's shoulder. “It’s… enough. I'd rather not talk about it.”

 

Julian frowned… then nodded. Garak's past was… difficult, to say the least - but it was still _his._

 

The Cardassian nodded back, and offered him a wan smile. Then he quickly left the cockpit to enter the station - it was meant to be a retreat, but somehow he couldn't help feeling… relieved.

 

* * *

 

Julian panted, breaths coming short while he was pressed into the cold metal wall. It wasn't a panic attack this time, though.

 

Garak pressed against him this time, cool reptilian body nearly as cold as the wall. Hands pressed into the human's shoulders, lips pressed to warm human lips while his tongue flicked out to taste.

 

Julian let him, opening his own mouth to facilitate. One hand buried itself in that thick black hair, the other clenched at the skin tight suit against his partner's back, searching for purchase.

 

_We almost died._

 

“I assure you, my dear, we're very much alive.” Garak pulled back enough to speak, then attacked his mouth again with tongue and teeth.

 

Julian matched his passion, letting all his anxiety - all the fear and tension - all of it he poured into kissing and pressing and grabbing.

 

_You're in love with me._

 

He's not actually sure which one of them thinks it - perhaps both. But then he has a sudden thought, and has to laugh.

 

Garak takes the opportunity to bite his neck. He can feel the curiosity at the laughter - and the need for touch.

 

The human hisses in a breath, but his hips cant up as well. “I was just… I was thinking of the first time… we… and if you had… tried this method instead.”

 

Garak pulled back, to look him in the eye. “Would you have been amenable?”

 

Julian considered. “I don't know.”

 

The Cardassian nodded, and went back to worrying the human's neck with his teeth - careful not to break the skin.

 

 _No, harder._ Julian moans as his partner picks up on the thought and acts on it. He wished there was a way to get out his uniform enough to-

 

“Later.” Garak said it into the skin of his neck, breath tickling the rapidly forming bruise.

 

Julian knows it's a promise, and nods.

 

* * *

 

Garak wakes up feeling warm. It's a new sensation, but not an unpleasant one. He begins to stretch, but stops when realizes there's another body in the bed with him.

 

 _Ah, of course_. He leans up on his elbows, looking down at the source of the pleasant warmth he can feel in his core.

 

Julian is asleep, curled up around his Cardassian bedmate. His hair is disheveled, and a wet spot marks where he's been drooling onto the pillow.

 

Garak shakes his head. If he had shared his memories sooner, perhaps it wouldn't have taken as long to get to this point - or perhaps they wouldn't have reached this point at all. It was so hard to tell. He sighed, reaching up to brush back a stray hair from the doctor’s forehead.

 

 _He still likes when I call him that._ How anyone can meet him and not recognize that he's a doctor, a healer - even if he isn't allowed to practice medicine - is beyond him. _You'll always be a doctor, my dear._

 

In his sleep, Julian smiles. But then he cracks open one eye.

 

 _Not so asleep, then._ Garak leaned down to kiss his partner's temple.

 

Julian snuggled closer, closing his eye again to drift back to sleep.

 

Garak shook his head… then laid back down to join him.

**Author's Note:**

> So I have this weird thing where when I mean to write porn I don't but if I don't mean to I do - long story short, I meant to, but didn't happen. Jut didn't fit the mood, I think. Oops?


End file.
